Letters
by Riverlee11
Summary: Ginny writes a letter to Hermione and hopes she never reads it. GW/HG. Don't like it, you can leave now.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing and all the rest of it.

I am marking this as complete cause I don't know if or when I'll write any more, but I do have plans for more. It was written pretty quickly and I haven't gone through it, so sorry for any typos.

**LETTERS**

* * *

_Dearest Hermione,_

_As I'm writing this letter, I'm watching you across the common room. You're sitting with Harry and Ron talking about something or other. I can't hear you. It wouldn't surprise me if you were having an argument with him about homework. Now he's waving his hands all over the place and yelling. You know, yelling so loud that no one can actually understand what he's saying. I hear you tell him to quieten down. I hope he does cause I don't want you to leave the room. I really hate it when he's the cause of an argument and you're forced to leave the room. I always want to follow you but my friends would ask me what I was doing, so I never do._

_My friends... Oh, they're talking about boys again. I think it's all they ever do. Which boy they think the cutest is, and which house said boy is in. And Harry. They're always bringing Harry up. I'm not sure why. I think it might be to bring me into the conversation cause I always seem to zone out when they start talking about them. It never lasts very long, I'll say a few words and go back to daydreaming. I dunno what they're thinking about me but they never ask, so it's fine by me. I guess I pay enough attention to them to not draw their attention. _

_You and Ron have stopped your argument but by the way he's looking at you he's not real happy. You've taken your favourite armchair by the fire, the only problem with this, is that where I normally sit, is behind that chair and I can't see your face. All I can see is the firelight shining off your hair. This, in itself though, causes me to stare at you._

_I had a reason for writing this letter, and now as I am doing it, with my friends all around me talking about boys, I'm finding it very hard to do so. You've just left the room to go up to your dormitory, but as you left, you caught my eye and held it._

_I don't know what it means. My stomach is doing flip-flops inside me, but I guess it's a kind of wishful thinking. At least it has propelled me into writing down what I need to. I can't stand this any longer, and while you will never read this, I need to "tell" you._

_I am constantly looking at you across the room. I know every time you've stepped foot into one, and I scan it every time I do. I always want to see you, look at you. I always want to talk to you, but I never know what about. On those rare occasions that you sit near me at the Gryffindor table and talk to me, I freeze and mumble my words. I feel like such an idiot, but everyone always seems to puts it down to Harry being there. I guess it helps me out, but sometimes I just wanna yell and scream that I don't want to be with Harry. Though, other than being too shy to do that, it serves my purpose to keep up that charade._

_Don't get the impression that I'm not confused because I am. I thought I loved Harry. I thought he was everything I wanted. I thought that it was he I was looking for when I scanned a room. I thought it was he I wanted to talk to and look at. It wasn't until I realised that when he was in the room I was still looking around, and when he was talking to me alone, I wasn't shy._

_I am really confused. I never wanted this. I never meant to fall for you. I never meant to fall for a girl but I have now, and I don't know what to do about it besides write this letter. I hope you never read this, for I couldn't bear it if you hated me._

Hermione made a small gasp as she dropped the letter to her bed.


	2. Chapter 2

I had a few different ways I wanted to continue this story. This is how I had originally wanted to write it but I had another thought that I really wanted to do. So if this 'chapter' isn't very good, it might be because of the other thing I wanted to write. So please, let me know, I might change the whole thing completely.

* * *

_Dear Ginny,_

_I think the first thing I need to say is sorry. I know we haven't spent a lot of time together lately. I would like to be able to say that I've been busy but that isn't entirely true. I have to tell you that I have been somewhat avoiding you. I have tried my hardest to not let you catch on and in a way I hope I succeeded. I haven't wanted to hurt you._

_I've tried to do a lot of thinking the past couple of weeks I'm just not sure how well it has actually worked, besides my school marks dropping a bit. I know right, the "know-it-all" not getting top marks. I have been trying to do my homework but look at I have ended up doing._

_Ginny, please believe me when I say I have never wanted to hurt you. I have to tell you. I... Oh this is even hard to write let alone saying it to your face. Ginny I'm really sorry, I read the letter that you hoped I would never see. It was a complete accident. I was looking for you in your room and I caught sight of the letter. It was half hidden but I noticed it had my name written on it. So I opened it, and I read it._

_I freaked out. I put the letter back where I found it, and left. I haven't really spoken to you since. It scared the hell out of me Ginny I can't lie about that. I wish I could but I have had the last fortnight to think about things and I don't want to avoid you any longer. At the same time I couldn't tell any of this to your face._

_I remembered that day you wrote about in the letter. Where I left the room once again because Ron was annoying me and as I was leaving caught your eye. I remember doing it Ginny. I don't entirely know why. Even at the time, I didn't know why I wanted to keep looking into your eyes. I almost stopped in the doorway and kept looking at you. I still don't know what is going on._

_I don't know if there is much more I can say to you. I don't hate you, I could never hate you. Please don't hate me._

_Hermione._

Ginny slowly sat down on her bed folded the letter and put it back into its envelope.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok people I really don't know what I'm doing with this fic. I'm finding it easier to write ginny than hermione at least lol. I mentioned before, but I think I'll say it again. It had this as complete because I didn't know if I was going to add to it, even though I had all intentions of doing it. I have been majorly busy. So lately I have been thinking about it, but anyway, I need to rush. Lemme know what you think.

* * *

_Dear Hermione_

_I guess it's my turn to avoid you this time, although I think I have good reason. I don't hate you for reading the letter. I too could never hate you. I'm embarrassed and scared and everything else you can think of._

_We haven't spoken to one another in weeks and I just can't deal with this any longer. Here I am in the common room again, writing to you again, with my friends around me again... Talking about boys AGAIN. They think I'm writing to some boy or other, if only they knew eh? In all honesty I'm starting to not really care what they might think._

_I don't really know why I'm avoiding you. Maybe because I still think that if you see too much of me or something, you'll start to hate me. Stop right there Miss. Granger, I know deep down that won't happen, it's just a fear. I've never felt this way before about anyone let alone a girl and my brother's best friend. Or more? Are you and Ron dating? No, don't answer that, I don't really wanna know._

_Eep, you've just entered and you looked right at me. I'm such a mess and I'm tempted to run out of here right now, but I'm gonna try not to. Like I said earlier I can't deal with this any longer._

_I think essentially Mione, I um want... need to know exactly... STOP LOOKING AT ME DAMMIT! I need to say this before I chicken out again and you keep looking at me. You and your gorgeous brown eyes that I could get lost in forever... Enough of that, Hermione, please, I think I'm at the point of begging and pleading with you now for my own sanity, I think I need to know exactly how you feel about what I said in that letter._

_I.. Oh I don't know. If you never want to see or speak to me I can understand, but please at least tell me first. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. That was why you were never meant to read the first letter. I needed to "tell" someone and I thought at the time, what better way of doing that than "telling" the one person it was about. I don't know if it helped me or not. I guess in the long run maybe not? I mean you read it._

_I don't know what else I can say or do at this point, so I think I might just leave the ball in your court_

_Yours,_

_Ginny._

Ginny folded the letter and stood up with her firends looking at her grinning. Slowly she made her way across the common room and handed the letter to Hermione. Turning around, she grinned at her friends before walking back over to sit back down, her friends gaping at her.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok so I know how long its been and I know it's TINY. First of all. I was sure where I wanted to take this. Keep it in letter format, or go into 3rd person. Secondly I have wanted to sit down and write some more for a while but real life/writers block kept getting in the way. Thirdly, I never meant for this to be so tiny, but Hermione kinda just happened... This AN is longer than the chaper. I really hope I won't take too long to add more. Lemme know what you think anyway.

* * *

_Gin,_

_I'm not entirely sure that you haven't lost your mind completely. What the hell was that all about? Why would you, knowing full well who they thought you were writing to, stand up and hand me that letter? How could you do that to me? To us?_

Hermione folded the parchment in half and handed it to Ginny before storming out of the common room.


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, so I orginally had this 'fic' as complete cause I didn't know if I was going to write anymore, but its kinda obviously changed to something so very incomplete so I've fixed that. I just needed to add a little more to that last pathetically short chapter. :)

* * *

_Hermione, please let me in. I want to apologise; profusely. Maybe I did lose my mind but I never meant to hurt you or make you mad with me. My friends don't really know what I was writing in those letters. Sure the impression they got was, I guess, technically right, but I'm sure I can win them over and convince them I was only playing with them._

_Hermione I'm begging you. I've been standing outside your door for 10 minutes now. I KNOW you can hear me. Just let me in so we can talk about this? So we can talk about 'us'?_

_Ginny._

Ginny slid the note under Hermione's door, hoping against hope the older girl would let her in.


	6. Chapter 6

_What do you mean? There is no 'us'!_

Ginny stared at the note in her hand. Her heart breaking.


	7. Chapter 7

_Gin,_

_A month. It's been a month since that day. We haven't spoken to each other since. But I have seen you around the school, and in the common room. By Merlin, what have I done to you? I can see the facade you put on for your friends. I know you convinced them that you were just leading them on about the contents of the letters. That you let them think you were writing love letters. That it was just for kicks and you weren't really. You did this, just like you told me you would. They believed you, also as you said they would._

_So why do I feel like this? Why do I feel so crap? Why have I ignored you for a month? I know you haven't been eating. I know you haven't been sleeping and it's all my fault. You look like death walking- and it's all my fault. MY fault, I can't blame anyone else. I could have stopped this. I could have not let it begin in the first place but I wrote you that note. That terrible, Merlin damned disgusting note and then I just ignored you. I just pretended like you didn't exist. No, that's not right. I let you THINK that I was acting like you didn't exist._

_That can't be further from the truth. I knew whenever you were in the same room as me. I would constantly look around for you, to see how you were, even though I knew exactly how that was. Words will never express the level of sorrow I felt, and feel about not putting a stop to it, and letting it last so long._

_Words will never explain my own moment of madness and stupidity for writing that note. That is all I can think of it as, a total and absolute fit of madness. I don't know what came over me. You upset me, you hurt me, but you never deserved that note. Any more then you deserved the last month._

_Ginny! How can I express to you the sadness I feel at causing you such profound pain? How can anything I say EVER make that ok ever again? I can give you all the reasons under the sun for saying that to you. How can I tell you that I was scared? Scared about what I was thinking and feeling. Scared about what your friends might say. Scared about what my friends might say. How can I tell you that the note was the total opposite of everything I wished to say to you? How can you believe me now after a month?_

_I know I broke your heart, I can see it in your eyes. I can see that there is nothing left and it is breaking mine. Please if you've gotten this far through this letter, try to find something within to bring you talk to me. If there is possibly anyway, anything at all to make this even the tiniest bit better, I will do it without a second thought, without hesitation._

_I have been the worst of asses, I want to make it up to you. That is if you can ever talk to me again._

_I never meant it Ginny. From the bottom of my heart and from the very depths of my soul, I want there to be an 'us'._

_Forever,_

'_Mione._

Ginny had tried to be strong. To not let Hermione's aloofness, and more importantly her note get to her. Obviously, the one person she was trying to convince of that had seen right through her. Ginny put her head into her pillow and started crying. She had been using the thought of the note to stay angry with Hermione and in turn try to convince herself she felt nothing for the other girl. Trying to convince herself it was just some childish fancy, and she didn't want to be with someone who could be that callus anyway. It had been her only protective barrier and now... And now that barrier was shot to pieces and in its place... What was in its place? She didn't want to replace it with hope. What if she was hurt again?

Not yet knowing what to do and feeling very vulnerable Ginny stayed face down on her bed until she fell asleep.

* * *

This was without a doubt one of the hardest things I have ever written and almost made cry and I've never even been in Hermione's situation.

And I would like to thank all my reviewers, you make my day complete. I just hope it hasn't been so long since I started that you don't read these newer... letters. (or notes really, besides this one). But on that note. Review damn you all! :)


	8. Chapter 8

_Hermione,_

_I read your letter yesterday and I didn't know what to think. I have spent the last 30 days thinking that you hated me and never wanted to see me again and never wanted to talk to me again. You really hurt me when you gave me that note. Just to survive, I used it to be angry with you. I used it to stop myself from thinking that I fell for the wrong person. That I fell for someone who's actually really mean inside. I never wanted to believe that of you, and I think the anger really did help guard against it._

_For the past month I tried to make myself believe that I never wanted to see or talk to you again. I tried even harder to make myself believe that I hated you. That I hated the sight of you. That I hated the sound of you. That I hated the smell of you. Although however much I wanted to hate you and however much I tried to hate you I never did._

_Knowing that still didn't change the fact that after reading your letter I didn't know what to think or do. How could I have spent all that time, thinking those things about you to have you write a simple letter to me, and I just forgive you for everything? How could I have spent all that time thinking that you hated me, to just turn around and forget it all? I wasn't sure I wasn't going to write back to you. Or if I did, I wasn't sure when it was going to be. This is hard for me._

_The thing is; well rather the reason I am actually writing to you now is because after reading your letter last night I fell asleep. I know you're thinking "what does that have to do with anything?" Well just let me explain. After reading you letter I immediately fell asleep and I had a dream. It was an odd one. I was sitting down by the lake thinking about what I was going to do about you when all of a sudden something came out of it. I don't know what it was. All I know it was big and it wasn't the Giant Squid. Well this thing grabbed a hold of me and started to drag me towards the Lake. I started grabbing at anything that I could try and hold on to to stop it from dragging me in and under the water. I started yelling out for help, but there was no one about and then i started thinking about you and how I would never get the chance to tell you how much I truly love you. Before I went underwater I woke up._

_I tried so hard to get back to sleep but just couldn't, so basically I have been lying awake in bed for hours because of the dream and you. I figured it may have been a stupid odd dream, but that i should probably pay attention to it. I have no doubt that something is not going to come out of the great lake and try to kill me. I'm not suggesting it was a premonition or anything. I know how much you LOOOOVE divination. What I am saying is that if something were to happen to me I would regret ignoring you._

_So while lying in bed awake for 3 hours I decided I would write this letter. I don't think I forgive you. That doesn't mean that I won't forgive you, I have no doubt I will, but right now I still feel too hurt to forgive you. And... I still like the idea of there being an 'us' so I hope you meant what you said because I want that too._

_I'm not sure things can go back to the way they were but maybe we can move on from here and things can be better. Much better._

_I hope to hear from you soon,_

_Ginny._

Ginny folded the letter a few times and sighed deeply before standing up to go look for a safe place to leave the letter and somewhere Hermione would find it.

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**A/N: **I don't really like that last line but I just found out something that threw me for a six , so I decided it would have to do. Please R and R! :) and as always thanks to those who have already reviewed, added me to story alerts, added me to author alerts, added me to favourite story, or favourite author. They always make me feel warm and fuzzy. I don't just write this stuff for me, I write it for all of you too, so thanks.

I'd like to apologise for the piddly length that I write, but I've never been someone to write anything that's majorly long.


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